oh, plans

I'm kind of a planner. 

Not all the time--but for now, we're talking about my inner Franklin Covey-esque brain. In 6th grade, someone from my future junior high came to orient us to the next phase in our education and helped us set up our schedule for the next school year. I think that's when I fell in love with planning my education. This is when I geek out and say that I love planning out school stuff. I am super good at it too. I think the summer after 8th grade I already had planned what dorms I wanted to live in at BYU (didn't happen, by the way), which classes I was going to take in each semester and when I would graduate. No joke--I'm a weirdo. I ended up going to community college and got all my gen-eds done in the four semesters the school paid for. I've helped my siblings figure out school stuff. I've pointed friends in the right directions for scholarships and grants. I'm basically a self-appointed high school guidance counselor.

I don't really know why I was so enamored with school plans. Maybe because my family was going through stuff that 6th grade year, so I felt like I could escape to college one day. You know how some people become anorexic because food is the one thing they feel they can control in their lives? I think I might have had some of that mentality going on--except with school. Anyways, it brought a great deal of comfort to me to have those things planned out. After I came home from my mission I was going to go to school for 3 more semesters and then start grad school a few months after that. 

And then I met this guy:

And he's awesome. 

And caring.

And smart.

And hot. 

And funny.

And I love him.

So I married him.

Which was the best decision of my life.

But, it did change my plans. I'd be a big fat liar if I didn't admit that it has been harder than I thought it would be to not be in school. I spent the majority of my life in school and loving it. Now I'm lame and work 40 hours a week. I won't lie, I'd go back to school in a heartbeat. And I know my husband would gladly trade places with me.

So basically every other month I have a future life-plan freak out. I look up school info for both Ryun and myself. I freak out about the economy and if we'll even be able to live the modest life we are planning on. I find about ten different potential career paths I could take in case our situation changes. I make potential plan after potential plan. 

And then I cry.
And Ryun gives me a hug.
And tells me it's all going to work out.
And reminds me that God isn't going to bail on us.
And I believe him.

Because, really, everything for us has worked out. The whole circumstances around how we met, started dating and kept dating still surprise me. The fact that I was able to overcome my marriage phobias amazes me. My being able to find a job that allows Ry to not work so he can completely focus on school was a miracle. We were able to go to Arizona for Christmas when I really missed my family, but didn't think we could afford it. Honestly, God's got our back.

I like this quote I found by George MacDonald:
"Doing the will of God leaves me 
no time for
 disputing about His plans."

I'm glad that plans change. With school stuff, I loved the excitement that came with seeing all the different ways I could accomplish what I wanted. Instead of freaking out that I can't control this part of my life anymore, why shouldn't I be excited when I see all the possibilities God brings to my life? I have no idea what His plans are, other than he wants us to be happy. So if the greatest being in the universe is working towards making my life happy...
then I think I'm okay with my weenie little plans changing.

(shout out for edumecation)